Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Oh In-Laws!

Let me start by saying I feel REALLY guilty about doing this post.  I know that I am so blessed to have in-laws that are so supportive and fantastic and I really do appreciate everything they do but I just need to vent a litte bit!

E's mom has worked in production (a factory) in every job she has ever held.  Last summer she began having some pretty serious problems with her back and it led to her taking medical leave to get it figured out.  Turns out she had some extremely damaged discs in her neck and back.  She had surgery on the neck first because it was really serious and pushing on her spinal column and just got out of a neck collar about a month ago.  She still has a low back problem and has also been diagnosed with fibromyalgia and anxeity because of all of the stress dealing with her injuries and recovery.  Needless to say, she will not be able to go back to the type of work she did and being that she's in her mid 50s she doesn't want to (and who can blame her!) learn a new type of job.  Also she is eligible to start drawing retirement this Decemeber so it's really not a big deal  Ok- so here's the dilema.  Ever since she has realized she isn't going to go back to work she has been buying things for a full nursery at her house!  I think it's sweet that she's so excited about her first grandbaby but how much does she think she's going to be watching him that she needs a crib and a changing table?!  She keeps mentioning that E and I may want to go out or away but I don't see us wanting to leave the baby overnight and even if we are comfortable with that, wouldn't a pack and play work?!  I REALLY appreciate the willingness to help watch him but I just feel like she's wasting her money spending so much on something he is going to use rarely.  Also, E says I've never seen her "normal" before the back and neck, she was dealing with restless leg syndrome and some other problems and has gotten progressively more "scattered."  I know she would never do anything to hurt the baby and she will be very aware of him but what if she forgot to do something... I don't know.  I feel better though.

Secondly, his grandma.  E is one of 4 grandchildren.  He has two cousins, the first is married and he has two girls and the other is married and his wife is due a month before me with a little girl.  E has one brother who is 2 years younger than him and was married for about a year and a half to a lady that was much older than him with 2 high schoolers but they're now divorced.  The cousins and E's brother are horrible with money and asking the parents/E's aunt and uncle and the grandparents for money all.the.time.  E would rather eat garbage than ask for money but thankfully he is an amazing budgeter and we do quite well.  He hates presents and prefers for us to take care of everything on our own, which I have no problem with.  Our plan after the baby comes is to quit my job.  I am very unhappy there now and if I had to leave my baby to go work there every day I would resent the job so much more.  Money wise, we're fine but won't be able to put much into savings each month as we'd like so the plan is after about 12 weeks for me to start working part time for my mom and be able to put the entire check into savings.  She has said that if it's not busy I can bring T.ruitt and if it is busy I will meet E at his work when he gets off and drop off the baby and then go work a few hours for mom.  E's grandma has mentioned me working nearly everytime we see her.  I really think it's because she's worried we will turn into the other grandchildren and ask for money all of the time but we won't.  We had mentioned me staying at home before and got a horrible reaction from her so now when she asks I just tell her I haven't decided yet and then she goes in to how I need to go right back to work and stay where I am...

Bascially I feel like saying to everyone that this is OUR child and we will know what is best for him and our family.  I really appreciate everyone's support and I know we're first time parents but I think our decisions we make are the most important.  Again, I feel guilty because I am so thankful for everything they do for us but still- back off a little bit!


  1. Sorry your in-laws are causing you stress. You're the mama. Don't feel bad about decisions you make for your family!

  2. Just let your MIL buy what she wants. It makes her happy. My MIL has bought a crib, a pack n play, a high chair, a bouncy chair, and gobs of other stuff. The baby will definitely not be over enough for it to be worth this kind of expenditure, but she's really happy to get it, so I just let her get it.

    As for the working thing, no one in my family is worried that we'll become broke and start asking for money, but still NO ONE is happy to hear I'll be staying home with the baby. It's just the way people are these days. Something about being liberated women and working. I dunno.

    Don't let it get to you. Family is weird.

  3. I totally know what you mean. My MIL is a avid smoker, and just doesn't exactly "keep house" and I dont know how many times I would stop by and she would be zonked on couch with my baby niece running a muck in house.

    She is doing the same, & I don't want to hurt her feeling by me telling her "uhh she wont here that much" at least without me there.

  4. My mom did the same thing with buying all the stuff when my niece was on the way. Just excited, I guess. She didn't babysit a huge amount of time so you're prob. ok. It IS your child and you will make those decisions. Let people say what they want...and then you do what YOU want.

  5. I'm sorry to hear his mom is dealing with all of that right now but thankfully she can start collecting retirement soon. I say let her buy the stuff she thinks she needs if it makes her happy. It gives her something to do while she's sitting at home.

    As for E's grandmother I wouldn't discuss money at all with her if she tries to bring it up. Change the subject onto something else. She may be worried but the only way you'll calm her fears is by not doing what she is afraid may happen.