Monday, March 29, 2010

Doctor's Appointment

E picked me up for work (THANK GOD HE CAME! I MAY STILL BE IN THE ELEVATOR CRYING OTHERWISE) and we headed over to the office.  While we were waiting a lady came in with the cutest baby bump ever.  Another lady came in skinny as a pole and said she just got a positive pee test and came in to get proof of pregnacy since they'd be trying for two years- please don't let me still be trying in two years.

Anyway, we get into the room and Eric sees the dildo-cam (sorry I know that's tacky I just don't know what else to call it) and gets a little weak in the knees.  I guess it is pretty scary to see!  Dr P gets in there and asks how long last cycle was I tell him 57 days and then he gets started... After pushing like crazy and him apologizing many many times he gets to my right ovaries that has 3 small follicles but says they're not what a good response from cl.omid looks like.  He did say that there is nothing on it that explains my pain and said that's probably just due to the PCOS or a muscle pushing on it since it's normally just when I lay on that side.  He then got to my left ovary that showed pretty much absolutely nothing.  I asked him about my lining and he said "that also is unresponsive and not where we need it to be, but I expected that from looking at your ovaries."  So I didn't get any because they were no where even close to being anything good. 

He asks me if I was spotting, I haven't, and said that I would now... I had streaked the cam and was cramping horribly.  We asked about a SA for E and he said he doesn't want to do it right now because there's still a slight chance that this could work ("I've seen crazier things happen") this cycle and we need to continue going every other night for a week or so.  I think when I get my BFN I'll call in and ask for one for him and if not send E to our primary care Dr and see if he'll order one.  As for my bloodwork he said that we will reevaluate next month if the 100mg of cl.omid doesn't work.  Unfortunately he said that if that and then 150mg doesn't work that he is going to refer me to Dallas.  Ugh!  I really need to be pregnant before then.

I go to check out and I see my chart there and in big plain letters Dr P had written INFERTILITY on my reason for the visit.  Ouch.  Up until that moment I hadn't coined myself with that... I was just needing some help.  I made it out the door and completely lost it.  I think I was in the bathroom for about 5 minutes leaving E standing at the elevator.  He was SO good and said all the right things but it kills me!  He didn't sign up for this.  He expected that when we were ready for kids it would happen and I can't give that to him.  I can tell he's really sad but he is trying his best to make me feel better about it and assuring me that we will do whatever we need to do to have a baby.

I went back to work but I wasn't too effective answering 911 calls in the weepy state I was in plus I was (and still am) cramping horribly so I had someone come in for me an hour early. 

First thing I did was update my blogger profile to include "IF" and "infertility"

I really didn't want to be this person, I know like anyone does...  I know that cl.omid doesn't work for many people and that if it does it's normally 150mg but it still hurts and I hate it. 

So the plan is to continue to try every other day and take ovulation tests if I want.  Wait until after my next expected period (April 15th) and if I haven't gotten a positive test, call in for pr.overa and 100mg cl.omid days 5-9.  I just wish we could fast forward...

Oh, I did lose 2.8 lbs this week. YAY!


  1. Oh yeah, I'm right with you on the fastforwarding. Not the news you wanted to hear this month I know and I'm sorry. I like that your doc gives it to you straight though and seems to be taking steps that make sense. I assume "Dallas" means some sort of RE? Better to be referred sooner than later. I'm very glad you have a partner to lean on. And your doc is right, you never know what could happen. Great on the weight loss...send some of that mojo my way, won't you?

  2. Thank you for te happy thoughts. Yes, I live in a really small town (1500 people) and there are two hospitals in towns about 10 and 15 minutes away with about 30,000 people and that's where Dr P is but all the RE's and big hospitals are down around Dallas which is about an hour drive and since all these fertility treatments have to be on certain days and so often it will cut into work a lot... but it WILL be worth it! (I just pray we don't have to get that far!)

  3. I'm sorry about your sad day/sucky news. :(

  4. im so sorry. I know it was so so rough for you. But hang in there! This is just a bump in the road, just think all of this will make that BFP that much more amazing!

    hang in there girl!

  5. Sorry about all that hun!
    Keep your head up and positive thoughts :)

  6. Hi, I just started reading your blog. I'm so sorry that you had a bad day. I know how you feel about infertility. It's really hard, but when you get that BFP it's all worth it! (I'm still waiting for mine after 6 months =( ). Good luck I hope Clomid works.

  7. Oh Samantha, I'm so sorry! It's never good to hear sucky news. I'm glad that your husband was there with you and was so supportive.

    I'm sending lots of happy thoughts your way.

  8. :( Sorry about the bad ultrasound... I know the feeling. 50mg didn't work for me either, but you will be surprised how much better the higher doses work. Hang in there!

  9. I'm sorry to hear about your least there is a plan in action for the next cycle. It's totally frustrating and I wish I could fast forward too - but I can't. I try my best to deal with it and distract myself whenever seems to make time go faster.

  10. It's a tough pill to swallow when things don't work out like we'd planned. Sending all the hugs you need...maybe things will work out for you, despite how gloomy they may look.

  11. First of all, congratulations on losing the weight! That's awesome. I'm sorry about the ultrasound. Hoping that this all works out soon and you get a BFP!! ((HUGS))

  12. Oh, I am so very sorry for that yucky CD 12 appointment! A painful wanding is like addng insult to injury.

    I can tell you that if you end up switching to an RE (which I hope doesn't have to happen), things will probably move faster. I sometimes feel like I have to tell mine to slow down because he's so aggressive.

    Hope things improve with a higher Clomid dose, and don't lose hope. Congrats on the weight loss!

  13. First, congrats on the weight loss! That's awesome news!

    :( I'm so sorry about the bad appointment. I know how hard it is to just want something SO BAD and keep getting discouraged.

  14. Sam...


    Sorry that it hasn't quite worked out this first time around. Don't give up hope for this cycle and try to stay positive about the future. From what I have read and hearing from other girls on my old forum, it isn't uncommon for the first low dose to not be effective. There is still plenty of length left in that rope yet.

    BTW... your man didn't sign up with you because you have a uterus... he signed up for you for better or for worse because you are the wonderful, gorgeous person that you are! Noone expects that it won't just work all nicely... These harder times are what makes relationships stronger and your man sounds like he is the type only to hold you tighter!

  15. I'm so sorry about all of this. It is so hard to accept IF as a label, too. The good thing is that you're being proactive and I just hope so much that your ovaries respond and you're able to get your BFP soon.